An english man , irish man and scotts man are on their travels around the world and at the time are travelling down the amazon in their man made canoe.  As they padle downstream the english man notices out of the corner of his eye what seems to be a villager waving at him.  The english man then waves back believing the man wishes to greet them as they travel through.  However after passing the stranger further down stream they notice about half a dozen men which look to be also greeting them as they pass by.  However these men all seemed to be waving spears in the air , the men get woried and begin to paddle faster to get away but before they could the jungle men had captured them.  The english man , irish man and the scotts man were then taken to the village of the jungle people.  On arrival they noticed a large fire on which a large pot was brewing.  The english man being curious asked what was to become of them.  The chief pointed to the large pot and said " You white men make good canoes , we make canoe from skin , your skin ".  The three men shook in terror but accepted their fate.  The chief then spoke out " you get one last wish , what you want ? ".  The english man replies ill have the finest woman in your village , the chief points to the ugliest woman and the english man accepts and goes to her hut.  The scotts man then asks for the strongest alcohol they have , and gets totaly drunk.  The chief than tirns to the irish man and says " What you want for last wish ? " , " Ill have a fork if a could ! ".  The chief looks in confusion at the irish man but honour's his wish for a fork.  The irish man snatches the fork from the chief and begins to prick himself furiously in the chest and legs and shouts out " you aint making no god dam canoe out of me ! ".

Q:    What do you do if an irish man throws a grenade at you ?
A:    Take the pin out and throw it back !

Q:    Why do irish dogs have flat noses ?
A:    Because they chase parked cars !

An english man , irish man and scotts man are on their way back from America after their two weeks holiday and are enjoying a relaxing drink on their flight when they hear a large banging noisy from outside the plane.  The english man being worried about flying looks out the window to discover the problem and to his amazement sees one of the propelors has stopped.  The english man being worried asks the stewardess what the problem is , and the stewardess replies " the engine has ceased up but dont worry we have another three were absolutley safe , it will just take us half an hour longer than expected on our flight time " , about half an hour later they hear another large bang , this time the scotts man looks out the window and sees another engine has stopped and like the english man aks the air hostess what happened the air hostess assures the scotts man that everything is well and they still have two engines but it will take an extra 2 hours to get home.  Again half an hour later they hear another bang and this time the irish man stops the hostess and says " for christ sake if this carries on well be up here all day "

An english man , irish man and scotts man are surving their countrys by keeping the peace in a small town in Kosovo when the town becomes under attack.  The peace force begins to dwinle in size as the attack grows more fierce and the english man decides to hide from the enemy to prevent capture or death.  The english man , irish man and scotts man run to a nearby farm and decide to hide in what ever they find inside an old barn.  The english man sees three large sacks in the corner and decides they should hide inside the bags.  The english man lines the bag in hay and climbs inside , the scottsman is the second to hide and lines his sack with wool from a sheared sheep , the irish man is the last to hide in the sacks and unlike the english man and scotts man does not line his bag.  After half an hour the enemy search the nearby barn and rumage around.  They see the bags and decide to check them out , the enemy walks over to the bag with the english man in and gives it a kick , and some hay falls out "its just a bag of hay " shouts out the soldier and moves on to the next bag which the scotts man is hid in , again he gives it a big kick and some wool falls out "its just a sack of wool" shouts the soldier.  He then walks over to the bag with the irish man in and gives it a huge kick and the irish man muffles the word " potatoes ".